As part of the 'Big Bellies' panel I took part in at CrimeFest I was challenged to come up with the opening paragraph for a novel in any genre other than crime. To begin with I planned to write the opening of an adventure yarn. Then I changed my mind and thought about writing some chick-lit. In the end, I combined the two and instead of writing Bridget Jones's Diary, I came up with the opening for Inidana Jones's Diary. Since it took me a few days to put together, I thought I'd post it here too. Also on the panel, Tony Black put together a very funny collection of some of the worst chat-up lines you've ever heard and Allan Guthrie wowed us all with his secret talent for bucolic erotica...
Saturday 7th June, 2008
Weight: 12 st 9; alcohol units: 16; Nazis killed: 2 and a half
Noon. London. My research lab.
Ugh. Desiccated archaeological bones and a vile hangover. It’s the morning after Spielberg’s costume party, and I’m still wearing my kitsch explorer outfit. At least am not smoking (for am now fabulous star of family movie franchise). And am definitely not dwelling on night of Spielberg emotional fuckwittage. Am poised, confident female adventurer with Nicole Fahri bullwhip and super-zany sidekicks, Short Round and Jocasta. Ugh. Have forgotten dreaded black-tie event with that awful bore Lucas tonight. Must call Harvey Nicks and begin epic quest for the Legendary Cashmere Shawl of Knightsbridge. Am determined to look sensational and refined (and also to rescue temple of enslaved children in commendable act of charity).
Chris - I'm so glad you posted this. I loved it. I'm going to now point a few people in this direction so they can enjoy it as much as I did :o)
Donna
Posted by: Donna | June 15, 2008 at 09:34 PM
Donna - you have the honour of being the first person ever to comment on this blog (and possibly to read it too).
Then again, I guess that's what mum's are for...
Posted by: Chris | June 15, 2008 at 09:41 PM